I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
