Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
