Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
