i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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