How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's shark week go big or go home
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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