WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
