I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
