Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
