I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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