I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
