he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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