drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
