We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
