i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
