Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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