and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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