At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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