Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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