So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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