so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
