I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
