He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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