first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
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