Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
