Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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