so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
