Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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