I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
