the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
