Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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