Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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