oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
