omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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