so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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