South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
