she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
