Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
