everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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