Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
