Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i now understand why vodka
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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