I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
