She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
