you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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