I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
