I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize