I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
