Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
