I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just invented taco cereal.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
