just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
