I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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