I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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