Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
